Writing that First Online Dating Message

by on May 13, 2012

First Message Online DatingThe online dating email message is the icebreaker, the first contact, and it’s also introducing yourself to whom you are attempting to get to know better. Making sure that you can write an effective online dating email is going to play a major role in determining your success with online dating. This is a subject that cannot be ignored or taken lightly, especially by men, as many women who make profiles on online dating sites can receive up to 100 emails a day, so what makes your first online dating message stand out from the rest?

Avoid Bad Grammar in Your Dating Emails

Most women can’t stand people that can’t spell, especially people that they have never met before and are trying to contact them online via email.  So if you want to increase your chances make sure to leave out internet slang words such as ‘u’ – ‘luv’ – ‘cuz’ – etc. Although internet slang may work sometimes studies have shown from the great dating site OkCupid that these receive the response rates when slang or misspelled words are in the first online dating message.

It may also be a good idea to know the difference between “there and their”, “your and you’re”, and so on. A couple internet slangs that may work well is the acronym ‘lol’, standing for laugh at loud, but don’t get carried away, just use it once in the initial email, this can show that you have a sense of humor.


Start off With a Question and Keep it Different

If you are putting something like “How’s it going” or “How are you Doing” in your dating email subject line, you’re really not setting yourself apart from the rest of the guys sending messages to them.  Try to be clever and different – spark her interest, go as far as saying something completely off the wall just to get your foot in the door.

One opening dating message that I ran across that looked good was at the PUA Forums went something like “hey, so do you have a job? I need a woman who can support me while I play video games all day.” Now that’s not the best way to represent yourself but hopefully she can find the humor in the opening message, and most women WILL at least reply to that. Why? Because it’s something they haven’t seen in the last 100 emails they have read.


Actually Read Their Profile before Messaging

Make sure that you know something about the person you are messaging so that they know you aren’t just after them for their looks. At all costs avoid pick-up lines that you like to use at the bar. While pick-up lines may work at your local pub or grocery store due to the shock factor, most women don’t want to read that crap because they see it all day.

Same goes with compliments such as “hello beautiful” or “you are pretty”. It’s okay to tell them that down the road but keep it out of the first online dating email if you want to have more success.


Don’t Write Them a Book

One reason you shouldn’t do this is because it doesn’t work. Another reason that you don’t do this is because it’s a waste of your time when you write them a 400 word dating email and they don’t even respond! You should also not talk too much about yourself either. Keep it short and sweet and sit back and wait to see if they reply or not.

On the reply note, if they don’t respond to your initial email message, then man just move on. There are plenty on singles out there online so refrain from being a stalker or crybaby. One exception would be if you happen to see the same girl on a different online dating site, and in my opinion this would be an excellent opportunity for a second chance to message her.

Should you do this though, refrain from saying anything about contacting her from the previous online dating site, and also use a different profile picture that may better show your physical qualities. Doing this has worked once before me in the past do just thought that I’d share that.


If you are still stuck on writing that initial dating message – there are many services on the web that will help you. If you are on a budget, there’s a site called fiverr that may be able to help you if you search their database. Bottom line is show them you read their profile, ask a question or two, make your message stand out from the rest, and keep sending out those first online dating emails and you will get responses eventually.

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